The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
