singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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