I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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