His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
