what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
