My Higher Power is John Stamos
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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