can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize