sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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