I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
