playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
