I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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