I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
