At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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