Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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