just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
that's an acceptable place to lick
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
