On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
