We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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