tell your sister to shave her snatch
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize