Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
