i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
