WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
