Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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