she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
