see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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