I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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