Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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