it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize