Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
