And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
