I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
