went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
