Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I need mimosas to revive my soul
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
