Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
