My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
