Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
