Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
