Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
