Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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