I heard we made out
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
