she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
