her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
