I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
a search helicopter?!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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