Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize