If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
