I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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