Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
