Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
