Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
