for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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