I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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