God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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