return my video game
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
love makes seman taste better
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
