the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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