Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
