After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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