i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
