I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
