I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
