I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
