You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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