THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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