I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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