Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
