I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
